Saturday, June 23, 2012

Please Don't Sing!

When I was in grade IV, I had just joined the school choir and was really excited to sing. The music teacher positioned himself next to the piano and motioned us to start singing. "When i'm down...", we began singing Raise me up by Westlife.

"Stop." The music teacher said. "Something is wrong. Some one is going off tune. Sing again from the beginning."

We began all over again, just to be stopped by him again.

"I can't understand who but someone is going totally wrong. I want you to sing individually."

Around 6 kids sang and then it was my turn. I just had to utter the first three words when he started laughing.  
"You are the problem. Haha! I'm sorry. We can't include you in the choir." He said oh-so-rudely. My eyes welled up as I walked off stage with a broken dream of being a world famous singer.

I guess the teacher felt bad later on, because he called me to the side and consoled me. "It's just that your voice is not going along with the others. Your sound is like that of a man. It's like two rocks being rubbed together. I'm sorry.", he apologized.


That day, I swore I wouldn't sing in public ever again. I kept my word except for singing around in the house. My sister swears her ears bleed, but my house is a place I don't give a S to what the world thinks of me. 

Me, on my grade 4 birthday.
My biggest fear at the moment? That I will be asked to sing by the seniors in college. As much as I do not want to ever defy them, I will have to. Lets just hope they don't get mad.

Can you sing?

Friday, June 22, 2012

College: Day II

My first strike =D. Not mine exactly. The KSU held a strike today so classes went on only for 15 minutes and we were let off. Since I had to pay off my first term fees, I went to the office. They made me wait for 2 hours; till all the students had paid their fees. That was the one reason what changed a lot of things. By the time I got out of the office, The college was nearly empty and all the girls had gone home. There were some boys in groups sitting here and there. 

As I walked towards the gate, I heard, "chu chu". My heart raced as i foresaw the future. "chu chu" it went again. I turned. 7 to 8 boys were sitting on the steps. "chu chu" was their way of calling me over. I went halfheartedly. I kept turning back to see if my saviour of a friend was anywhere to be seen. No such luck. 

"Come Here", they said. 
"Are those sandals the new fashion?"

"Yeah it is." I lied. It has been around for a long time now.

"Is it new?"

I merely nodded.

"Don't wear it from tomorrow onward"

and then it went on. I stood there and listened to all their criticizing comments and taunts. I responded cheekily at first and then realized silence was the better choice. They called me over smart and over zealous and what not. They asked me which school I had attended previously and I paused a moment wondering whether lying would be a better choice. Being an NRI brings along with it a lot of 'jaada' so its a common fact that many of them don't like NRI students.

"Far" I responded. and I regretted it right the next moment. "Abu Dhabi", I added.

"You couldn't tell you Abu Dhabi properly? You think we don't know where Abu Dhabi is? Do you know English? Can you speak properly? We'll ask you in Malayalam, you reply in English. OK?" Around 5 of the guys spoke at the same time.

I looked around all at the same time and I froze. They were such handsome men. Why did they sound so angry? One of them particularly interested me. I noticed that he was the one that taunted me the most. He looked so frigging adorable.

I wished deep inside for them to let me go.

"Go." they said. I heaved a sigh and continued walking to the gate.

"chu chu" There it went again. This time from another side. I turned and saw a lot of guys on bikes.

"Come here", they called. My heart sank and I didn't have it in me to go through it all again. I walked towards them with my head down.

"Sania, you go." I heard my senior friend say those magical words from behind the crowd. I did something between a walk and a run  and I was out of the college within seconds.

Around 5 minutes later, I was still walking towards the bus stop when there it went again. "chu chu". I swore in my mind and turned to where I heard the noise from.

"Come here.", two guys called. This time, I took whatever I had left of my courage and said I have to go and walked away.

"We'll see you in college tomorrow. Beware." They warned. Some how, I didn't seem to give a POS about them. I later found out that they were just some by standers trying to misuse my situation of being a fresher.

I swore never again to walk alone in the college. 

TTYL.  Let me go buy a new paid of sandals. 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

College First Day

After fourteen years of school life, my expectations of a college life were over the roof. It was a long wait and finally, today, my first day of college came along.

At 9:00 AM in the morning, I had already missed my bus and had come to college with dad. I stood there, outside the college gates and took it all in for one last time. This is it. The beginning. A deep breath and I was in. 

A senior guided me to my classroom. Four girls were seated, one in each bench. I went and sat next to the prettiest one in a multi coloured dress. We sparked a friendship on the spot. By each passing minute, more students walked in and before long, the class was half full with girls. Then walked in the boys. Five of them. My subject is B.A Functional English; not much demanded by the male crowd. We hoped more would come in later on. Sadly none more.

As we sat there, discussing what college would be like, a lady in blue and white walked it. Frankly, it was hate at first sight. She stood next to one of the student and asked her why she was smiling. Senior; Trying to rag. "why are you doing this? why are you doing that?" she went on and on. "Don't laugh" she glared at us. She looked at me and spoke more fiercely, "naaley muthal, full scarf chutty varanam. ok?" (Wear full scarf from tomorrow onward). I nodded. I was prepared to do what the seniors asked me to do, unless it degraded myself. She got up, gave us a glare again and walked away.
Thankfully, the other seniors seemed to be more friendly and fun. They were banned from entering our class to prevent ragging. Therefore we stayed confined in our given class as long as possible.

Later, when I met a male friend of mine standing outside my classroom, I (obviously) went and spoke with him. After he left, the Blue-White chick called me again. "Why are you talking to him?", she inquired. She seemed to be in love with the glaring business. "I know him. Thats why." I replied. I was losing interest in being scared. She seemed more irritating than scary. "Don't talk to him. Don't try to be that friendly." She said. Oh.. Only if i could ask her to mind her own friggin business. I kept my mouth shut and walked back to class.

Towards the ending hour, I was called by 3 guys, again, to be questioned about who I am. They weren't rude. Just showed a bit of seniority and I was free to go.

And that, was my first day of college. A lot more happened, but nothing much of importance. Tomorrow is an other day. Another day of hopes and expectations. Insha Allah, I will love this college.

I guess I already do.

Thank God.

PS: So freaking many cute guys! Oh trust me, I'm going to LOVE it out her ;) 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Beauty: Not To Be Appreciated

I hail from a very democratic country, India. But if you ask me, I would say that my household is anything but democratic. Freedom of speech is one main problem we all face; especially girls like me with a huge mouth. I can start talking and not cease till I feel satisfied. I am never rude and I make sure of that. I say what I think and don’t always think about whether the others like it or not. According to me, a fire in my mind is better put out than let burning. 

Recently, I was exaggerating the beauty of the houses, one my father’s and one his brother’s. The intention in my mind was to let them know how grateful I am for all their help and how magnificent their hard work was. Too bad that I did not know it would all strike me back one day. My mom pulled me in and spanked me with a lecture about how to keep my mouth shut. It turns out you aren’t supposed to speak about the beauty of things because if some day something happens to it, I would be blamed. They would say, “She had her eye on it since the day she saw it. She is the reason for the doom of it all.” I gaped with an open mouth when my mom informed me of how it didn’t matter what my intention was, all they heard was that I really liked it and I had an eye on it. How absurd is that? 

This is a common ideology in India and many other places too, I guess. That is why many parents insist on putting a black mark on their child’s face. They believe that when a passerby looks at the beauty of the child, his eyes would be diverted by the black mark on its face, thus, his ‘eyes’ not falling on the child. Absurd, I tell you. Stupid superstition. 

I believe in it minutely too, I can’t say I don’t. But I find it weird that a beauty cannot be appreciated. Taj Mahal must have broken down to debris if it was for this superstition to actually be true. 

Someday, I want to be around people that won’t mind when I talk what I actually feel like and where I don’t have to hide my true feelings about anything. That’s the real democracy. That’s where you can voice your opinion and be heard and not taken negatively. That’s where I will raise my children. 

After all, what is beauty if not appreciated? Would you rather be quiet and silently enjoy a masterpiece or tell it to the world and let them know what you feel?