Sunday, January 29, 2012

"Because I Said So!"

I just had a shower and went to the kitchen after. I was in a good mood after the extreme one hour exercise. The last thing I wanted was stress. Believe it or not, I got into an argument with my mom.

We both finally agreed that it wasn't an argument and that we both weren't angry. But who are we kidding? We both knew it well inside that it was a damn word fight.

After the shower, I just wanted to play around and so I went to mom and asked her whether I smelled go-o-o-od. I had just had a well deserved shower and I just wanted to hear from some one else that I smelled go-o-o-od. Just for the sake of it I guess. Mom was making steamed cake (I believe that's the name for our naadan puttu). You can call it bad timing. The steam cake was going horribly wrong since the rice powder she used was just not good enough. Since she was in a bad mood, my happy entrance itself sparked fire in her.

At first she ignored me. And then she just snapped. I tell you she doesn't look pretty when she does that.

She went like  "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY??!!".

I was just too stupid to say "Chillax". A word of advice to you guys out there... NEVER tell a person to cool down when they are angry. It just makes them over the top angry.

After a long pause, I didn't have enough.. so i put up the topic about the latest plan of our class. We were planning to go to the Ice Rink the day the board exams end. Come on! 14 years of school just ended. We need our fun. We are just 17/18 after all. Not old grans.

"You aren't going" , Mom said. That's usual. Parent's always say no at first. It later depends on the way you convince them whether you actually go or not.

But my mom was pretty convinced. She blamed me on going out so often and not staying home. Reality check. The last time I went out with my friends was in October end of 2011. I told her about that but she still did not change her mind.

Now that's where I got angry. Everyone finds it hard to accept it when they are wrong. But I've learned to accept myself when I wrong. Its hard but I've learned it and I'm sure. So I asked her to reason it out on why she wouldn't let me out.

She took the oldest trick in the book. "CUZ YOU'RE A GIRL. Oh only if that wasn't my mom saying it. The worst thing a person can tell a girl in this century is that she is restricted because she is a girl.

You don't see me hanging out with friends till late night,

You don't see me going out of the house whenever I want with no questions answered.

You don't see me hanging out at the mall just to take a walk.

You ask me why Im not independent? How can you ask that when you don't even let me step out of the house by myself?

Sorry I got deviated from the topic. I am a girl of a million words when freedom is restricted BECAUSE I'M A GIRL!

So yeah. Back to that part where mom just ticks nerves. She tells me that she never got to go out when she was my age. And I went like "You were freaking married at my age!" (Yes, she was. Surprise!)

And then she went on to say how even if generations change, parents don't change. Children don't change. The relationship between parents and children don't change.

Mom finally accepted that she wasn't in a good mood. I told her I would return when she was in a good mood.

"Don't. You are never going for that." She said.

Oh mother!

"But thatha (sister) gets to go! How come?" I demanded.

"She goes out with her friends to eat. Not to hang out." Mom reasoned.

Oh so now she wants me to go out and eat. That coming from the lady that asked to stop eating cz of my weight gain.

I just went back to my room and surfed the web on a way to relieve stress and frustration.

And that's basically what I am doing now folks. Writing your problems down helps.

What I've learned through out the years (Oh wise me!) is that you have to let your parents win arguments.
     1) they will NEVER let you win.
     2) You will regret later for not letting them win.
     3) They are after all, your're parents.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Weight Loss Program

People mention about my size every now and then. 

First I got tired of it.

Then I got mad. 

Then... I got madder. 

Its my body and the only one that can make a change to it, is me. 

Thankfully, though I love sweets a lot, I also love fruits and workouts. That's true. I love working out, running, going for walks, exercising. but it all depends on the fun factor and my availability. I'm not allowed out of my house unless accompanied by an adult... Unless of course its for something important. So every time i feel like walking or going for a run, I have to drag my mom outside. That is a really irritating process since my mom doesn't want to come out most of the time. And when I blame her for my weight gain, she tells me to stop eating so much of junk. Well, We've already established the fact that I don't have much control over what I eat. I'm born that way. Or for now, I'll just blame it on my genes. 

Since non of my previous methods of weight loss had worked out, I went on a now or never search for a good workout that I can do at home under my convenience. My sister was the one that actually found out this workout. She downloaded it and played it on the TV. It is called TURBO JAM FAT BLASTER. The work out looked so intense yet fun. It was somewhat like a dance routine with a li'l twist. 

My sister's wedding is in 5 months and the photos taken that day are going to last for ever. And that is exactly why I don't want to see a 72 Kg lump of me in them. There are going to be MANY guys present at the wedding and who looks at fat girls nowadays?  After a little research, I found out that the workout with a little control of the diet can do wonders. All it requires is determination. I am pretty determined right now.

I am going post my weight and waist size in this blog every week. As much as I don't want the world to know what my size is, I believe a little embarrassment can do me good. Since I'm going to post this online, I can easily keep a track of my weight loss (or god forbid, weight gain). If I do end up losing weight (Insha Allah), I hope someone out there will be encouraged by my success story. 

Being a girl of many many words, I should tell you how my first week went. Yes, I finished one week of the work out already. I did it for one week before I posted it on my blog just to confirm it myself that I am determined. I started it slow and now... I have successfully worked out 1 week. 

Now for the ugly part, my details. 

January 25, 2012
Age: 17
Height: 5''4'

Starting weight:  72 Kg
Waist:                 34 inches
Hips:                   40.5 inches               
Right Arm:         12.5 inches
Left Arm:           12.5 inches
Right Thigh:       22.5 inches
Left Thigh:         23.0 inches
Body fat %:       21.21%

Chest: 38.25 inches (If you have seen this, You shouldn't have. you idiot. Stop high lighting my page)

I will Insha Allah, post this every week on Wednesday. 

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Et Tu Brute!

When I was in OOEHS, we had to do a project on the literature drama chapter- Julius Caesar. 

You all know Julius Caesar. He was a Roman emperor who was stabbed to death by a noble, Marcus Brutus. Brutus... now he was a friend of Caesar. He did not in light years ahead expect to be killed by a man so close to him. The scene of the murder was fortunately or unfortunately witnessed by Mark Antony, who was a dear friend of Caesar. With a painful heart, he inquired about the murder and Brutus replied stating that it was done for the kingdom because he loved Rome and he feared that Caesar would be a dictator. 

Me being lazy as usual, couldn't put up myself to write a 100 page report on his part. The laziness resulted in me getting a near 7 on 10 and the invention of a poem I actually liked! So this is one of my collected pieces. =D.

Et Tu Brute !

A man in flesh and bones
Was Brutus, Marcus Brutus
He treasured his king, but kingdom more
And so, our Caesar, he slaughtered

Caesar was ambitious, he held
And why should any rebuff him?
For Brutus, Marcus Brutus,
Was an honorable man!

So if you enquire “oh why, Brutus? ”
Know it now, for you should.
Not that he loved Caesar less
But that he loved Rome more

Now Brutus, this honorable man
If phases were to re-wind
Would indeed desire a better route
For flaws, he surely had

Caesar’s angel, he was
And Caesar loved him so
His last words were “et tu brute! ”
Oh how intensely Caesar loved him!

Was what Brutus did precise?
Many, oh! Many shall ask
This an act of a valiant hero
Or one of a ghastly villain?

Caesar once did utter
That cowards die before death
But the valiant die, but once
And didn’t Brutus die, once ‘nd more?

For Caesar loved him, oh Caesar did
And still his dagger swept his flesh
Caesar, he slayed, not as a person
But as what he may in the throne.

After assaulting our darling Caesar,
To Antony, he says, his spirit in pity
For he murder Caesar
‘cos he loved Rome more

Oh! I saw, Caesar’s heart twinge
When stab, did Brutus in facade
Making every philosopher deem
“Would Caesar die if not for Brutus? ”

‘Cos love Brutus, Caesar did
And he, an honorable man
The most intricate in the country of Rome
Doth no wrong, without a reason

If I could, I would do Brutus wrong
But how wrong? For wasn’t Caesar ambitious?
He loved Rome, but a haughty man
Who saw, he not ‘come a dictator?

And Brutus, oh! What a man!
Killed himself, a day
For guilt, the prickle, prickled him
Antony exclaim “He the noblest Roman of all”

So I do Brutus wrong and Caesar wrong
For both hath enticing love for Rome
But sad, they lacked clear notions
For Rome, he loved them both

Jumping Blogs

That was my old blog. I had started it when I joined IIIS in grade XI. That is nearly 2 years back. I recently went back to that blog and read my early posts. It was all about my daily life and things like that. I wondered wy I had shifted to a new blog. I guess its because I felt I needed a change. You see, the girl who started that blog was a bit of a freak. Attitude freak. She did not want to mingle with the normal people. She wanted to always hang out with the "cool" people. Weird and stubborn, I (she) was not the favourite when I joined IIIS. I did not mix with them. Neither did they mix with me. Circumstances forced me to get to know them. Trust me when I say this... that was the best thing that I have done to date. I know that because today, I am a better person. I accept people a lot better. I talk to much less stranger boys and talk more to people that I actually know. I have changed. The situation I am living in changed. The people around me changed. The inner being in me... changed. I liked this change. And thus I knew that when everything around me changed, my diary of a blog needed to change too. I started this blog as an anonymous princess (haha). But that did not turn out too well I guess. Sooner or later, people will start recognizing who I am. But I don't think I will care about it now. That's then and I shall deal with it then. =) This blog is my identity now. and Im loving what I'm doing. 

Fun Sized

I am an over weight person. I don't intend to tell you how much I weigh, but the number is in the scale, I assure you. I used to be really slim and lean. Due to my uncontrollable chocolate eating disorder, I am now what I am. I am tired of every damn person I meet telling me that I have gained weight. When I look at the mirror, I can see that I am fat. When I stand on the washroom scales, I know that I am fat. The others telling me constantly is not a necessity since I am not blind. I am concerned about my weight but my cravings control me at times. I have gone on a gazzillion diets but always end p getting fatter. It bugs when the others can't take me as I am. As Marilyn Monroe said,

"Imperfection is beauty"

Take me as I as. I don't want a friend sticking around just when I am at my best. After getting really mad at a friend, I wrote a poem. It doesn't exactly portray what I feel. But it is somewhere near it. 


Let me tell you how it feels
Let me show you how ideals
I am not skinny, I am fat
Not so thick haired, I know that

I am kinda’ short, about four-one
What they don’t say, short is fun! 
I got no Gucci, or Prada in my closet
Woolen X’mas sweaters, to be honest

I can open a pickle jar
I am strong, I got some scars
I don’t act feeble to get him near
Men will come and go, I have no fear

I am not skinny, I don’t really wish
But I can make a guy wish I was his. 
I can walk on the road, make-up free
Unlike you, face pack times three

I can walk, I can sing, feel the ray
You are a plastic doll, nothing more to say
I am real, nothing fake, everything fair
I’m free, I’m alive, don’t you wish you were?